Say what you want about Juno MacGuff; she is one quotable gal. It’s not that I’m dealing with a pregnancy – more the opposite. Recently, my girlfriend (of three and a half years – how did it go by so quickly?!) had intense back pain and until her health care became effective as of June 1^st, she just had to lay around in a lot of pain while taking over-the-counter meds and watching excessive amounts of television. My role in this has been to pick up things off the floor, prepare meals, bring her tea, sometimes help her change clothes, etc. The list goes on. It’s not that I mind providing this extra care, per se. It’s a pleasurable responsibility to aide in her day-to-day needs, to be of help to someone that I love. It has certainly prompted thoughts in my mind, though, that I didn’t believe would be on the scene for many years to come. Read the rest of this entry »

“So What Comes Next?”

Several years ago, I eagerly clutched my diploma in my hand, and tried to avoid that inevitable question from extended family members during graduation. That question led to stomach-clenching, teeth-gritting awkwardness, shared by all recent graduates who had yet to “define their plan”.

A few weeks later, I was lucky enough to come up with an answer - a job in Paris had come through and I was eager to get back to my old stomping grounds, my tiny apartment in bourgeoisie heaven, and a new job that was demanding and exhilarating - my first foray in the corporate world. Two weeks in, I found myself going abroad to run a new project, luggin my work laptop from one city to the next, drinking too many espressos in my attempt to bond with French coworkers, and client servicing like a pro.

When that job and the following gigs in Paris ended, I started to consider coming back to the States. But what would I do next? What could I do next? Would it be fulfilling? I shuddered with the idea of moving h ome, starting over, and facing the job market.

So began the post-graduate slump that I had deftly avoided the year before; I sat on my couch and spent hours watching mindless television to distract myself from the hours I spent daily on job-searching in the non-profit sector. I contemplated taking positions that my proud college ego would have once winced to consider. My eyes twitched, my hair grew frizzier, and my outlook bleak. As a college student I knew that I could be anything, but as a college grad, I was sure of nothing. I looked back at my photos of protests, bullhorns, and dreadlocks and felt so far from the naivete that engulfed my college years.

Post-college life felt like quite the downfall from the warm, friendly bubble of college life. Those who were independent and savvy ended up moving home, those that had completed the best internships took mediocre positions to last the summer (or longer), and the anxious conversations over coffees with friends became more frequent. The linear path we imagined to be our glorious future seemed like it had forked without our knowledge. We asked ourselves, and anyone that would listen, “What would happen next?”

And then, everything just fell into place.

Those first few years of struggle were met with a sigh of relief. The jobs got better, we got accepted to dream graduate programs with full funding, and we stopped writing panic-ridden emails to Mary Hartman and Mary Trigg. We’re calmer now, laughing about our old anxieties, and looking towards the future with hints of the idealism we had as college students.

For anyone who struggles with post-college life, I assure him or her that everything will be OK - in fact, it will be wonderful. Some rough patches, or less-than-graceful episodes are sure to ensue, but the characteristics that helped them stand outwhile at the huge-massive-black-hole-that is Rutgers, also ultimately prevail in the “real world”. The linear path is actually filled with many zig-zags. Despite all our tendencies to plan away our lives the best things that happen are often unplanned or unexpected. And the dreaded question, “So what comes next?” actually can be an exhilarating answer.

Full disclosure: I missed my IWL graduation in 2006. Like many of you, I was too involved in multiple, competing priorities, and graduating with my fellow IWL scholars was a casualty. The problem? It is now two years later and I still think about the day I missed.

But enough complaining.

To the second year IWL Scholars, newly alumnae: You are some lucky folks, let me tell you. The conversations you had, the relationships you have built and what you’ve gained will help propel you further than you could have imagined. I was folded into the IWL four years ago and I think that my experiences with the program continue to unfold in new, amazing ways all the time. It is my understanding that we are a unique sisterhood of women who have come before and will come after - smart, provocative, witty, imaginative and well-rounded people, armed to take on the world. We find ourselves in different places - some of us with the travel bug, some toiling away in the non-profit sector, teaching, trudging through grad school, finding our peace or making difficult decisions. What we have as our backbone is two years of intense leadership instruction and the support of many women and men who believe in what we can all be, collectively.

Now for some practical advice: You should feel free to call upon any of the current IWL alumnae for advice, fellowships, jobs, etc. I can’t even begin to explain the assistance I’ve received from the kind and generous women who continue to support the IWL in this way. My second job out of college was procured thanks to a former scholar and subsequent job advice was found through many other alumnae and classmates. I also encourage you to stay in touch with your peers. I’m still close with some scholars from my class and yesterday I ran into Judith Simms (Hi Judith!), which reminded me how much I miss the energy of these peers (which reminds me, I think Corinne Motta and I are going to put together a party for alumnae…but I digress). I encourage you to stay connected to these folks. In my experience, you will not often meet women of this ilk.

Since this is probably the closest I’ll ever be to delivering a commencement speech, I will close with a quote I used during one of our final IWL seminars on public speaking, courtesy of Ms. Ani DiFranco: “I am a work in progress/dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding/offering me intricate patterns of questions/rhythms that never come clean/and strengths that you still haven’t seen.”

(For some more graduation-related advice, if you’ve never read Anna Quindlen’s speech at Villanova University, you are missing out: http://www.cs.oswego.edu/~wender/quindlen.html)

You may not have caught NBC’s “30 Rock” yet, but you should. Despite what others might say about her feminist credentials, Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) is our best representative on television. As many of us continue to wrestle with family, career, home, and other pulls, Liz shows that ‘having it all’ is not only impossible but that it’s something to be mocked. We should try to get by and that’s all we can do (unless we start exhibiting superwoman-esque powers).

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Welcome to Nicaragua. In preparing to travel to a Latin American country I realized I would probably encounter some machista attitudes and catcalling when I walked down the street. Two months later, the aforementioned description would probably be what I would now consider a good day. A bad day is more like the following: I am walking down the street with a fellow gringa, in the early evening, when out of a nowhere I feel a hard smack on my ass. Shocked, I look up to see two teenage boys, riding past me on their bike hysterically laughing at their “achievement.” At that moment my frustration of weeks of feeling degraded and demoralized boiled over and I was instantly hysterical and livid. I couldn’t wrap my mind around such a blatant violation. All I could say was, “why is this okay?” Why are you so comfortable violating my personal space for your own enjoyment? And on a larger scale, why is this behavior socially acceptable? I know the answers to these questions. After four years of Women’s and Gender Studies, I can pick them apart and analyze them until I am blue in the face. But when it actually happens to you, the logic is fleeting and your emotions take over. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve convinced myself to watch Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia over
the last few weeks, calling it “a necessary anthropological study of women
in the city”. The truth was, as an avid Sex and the City fan, which had
finally moved to New York, I was eager to see anything I could possibly
relate to on the silver screen. Read the rest of this entry »

How am I doing a month after my first blog posting regarding my heartache?

First let me tell you about my trip to Jersey. I did see Joe…actually, the instant I stepped off the plane in Newark (with my bags in Philly) at 3:30 am (try to avoid AirTran airlines if you can!), my phone started bringing as it powered up. Guess who? It was Joe, telling me he hasn’t slept in days knowing that I would be so close to him so soon. As much I would have liked to pretend otherwise, I was so happy to hear from him, and convinced myself that the timing of this phone call was sort of sign from God. Was it?

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I entertained the idea of working full time while pursuing my master’s degree for a while. Actually, I never thought I would give up a steady income while being a full time student – I thought I could handle the work load and take it all on. I wasn’t the only one who thought so too. Since my acceptance to George Washington, everyone, including my boss, thought I can handle working full time since my program is distance learning. Even though I think of my boss as a supportive one, I understand his underlying reason for me to stay. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the ideal situation for me as a student who puts her full effort into her education.

While applying to graduate school, I spoke to a couple of coworkers who pursued their degree online. Most of what they had to share was positive to affirm their academic decision, but they also shared their advice of taking advantage of the opportunities I had. My coworkers were working parents where their income was necessary to support their families. Though they do not regret pursuing their degree, they admitted that the work was intense and like another full time job. Sacrifices were made, and unfortunately they affected their families and lifestyles. Read the rest of this entry »

I never really knew what a broken heart was. I thought I knew - ya know, the high school break up, or the early college relationships. I really did think I knew. I didn’t know that you could feel sadness in every atom that makes up your body. What are people supposed to do to get over things? How do you really move on? Do we ever?

I thought that somehow we would be able to overcome all of this - my move,my attitude, his immaturity. Instead, I sit here, having not laid eyes upon my former boyfriend in over half of a year…and I still remember every turn of his body, the texture of every inch of his skin. The part that hurts the most is that I know he has not forgotten mine either. Perhaps that is what hurts me the most. I can’t explain the feeling…it’s worse than anything I could have ever imagined. You know that, “can’t eat, can’t sleep” crap on tv? I always thought it was bullshit - but I know now that it isn’t. Read the rest of this entry »

“We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance to the George Washington’s Accelerated Masters in Tourism Administration program…”

All of the months of studying, money invested in GMAT prep courses and books, multiple revisions of my personal statement, a lot of prayers, and even some tears, came down to that moment when I received my acceptance package from George Washington’s School of Business. An adrenaline rush of excitement turned into a smile as I told mom, who was extremely happy and all I could think about was that I did it and change is coming at me fast.

For the past year, I’ve discovered my strength in coordinating corporate events for Christ Church. It’s not a “niche” but definitely the start of a career and realized my need to be properly educated and trained in the hospitality and tourism industry. This is why I do not regret taking some time off before going back to school – I needed to grow at my pace and be smart as I can for my future.

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